Help For Grief



Grief is a collection of various feelings that occur when any kind of
loss happens in a person's life.  It can be grief over the loss of a
person, relationship as in divorce, job or anything of value to the
person.

Facts about Normal Grief:
  • Feeling bad is normal with loss; it's OK to cry.  In fact, it is good to
    express your emotions.  Expressing your emotions is healthy and
    not a sign of weakness.
  • It may take one to two years to adjust to the loss.  Less time may be
    necessary if the death was anticipated; more time may be
    necessary if the loss was sudden or the person very young.
  • You can never replace what is lost.
  • Time does not heal you; it's what you do with the time that can bring
    healing.  Remembering the past, both the good and the bad is
    important to resolving grief.
  • Keeping busy does not heal you; it gives you a "band aid' until you
    are ready to heal.
  • The evidence of unhealed grief is negative emotions; as you heal,
    negatives will be replaced with peaceful feelings, but not always
    happy ones.

Coping with Fresh or Recent Grief
  • Plan to take several weeks off from work to begin the healing
    process if you have lost a member of your immediate family.  If that
    is not possible, then at least a week off and part-time work for a
    week or two more.  Resuming a normal or heavy work schedule
    sooner than a month is unrealistic.
  • Let family or friends help you by planning and delivering meals,
    running errands, doing chores and just listening. Choose one
    person close to you to communicate with people you aren't ready to
    talk to yet.  Let them know when you are tired and need alone time.
  • Get regular meals, sleep and exercise, whether you feel like it or not.
  • Call your Dr. if your usual ways to get to sleep aren't working for
    you.

Remembrance rituals make loss easier over time.
  • Start a ritual to remember the loved one on their birthday, the
    anniversary of their death or any other significant dates.  Moments
    of remembrance can be included for Mother's Day, Father's Day
    and even at weddings.
  • Write notes to your loved one, put them in helium balloons, and
    'send' them to heaven.
  • Select flowers and throw them in a river, stream or ocean to 'send' a
    message of caring for your loved one.
  • Put together a scrapbook or picture book about your loved one's life.
  • Put a memorial ad with your loved one's picture in the local
    newspaper.
  • Write a letter to your loved one in the sand and let the waves wash  
    it out to sea.
  • Make a donation to your favorite charity or a cause that your loved
    one supported.


Signs that your grief may be unresolved:
  • You are unwilling to talk or think about the loss.
  • Fond memories turn painful.
  • You are only being willing to talk about the positive aspects of a
    relationship.
  • You are afraid of thoughts or feelings about the person who has
    died or the relationship.


How can you help someone who is going through the grief
process?
  • Remind them to eat and care for themselves.
  • Listen when they are ready to talk; go for a walk with them if they
    feel like it.
  • Verbally acknowledge what they are saying, but do not judge,
    analyze or criticize.
  • Hugs are great for close family; ask if they would like a hug if you
    are not sure.
  • Be willing to listen, even when they cry.   Encourage them to talk
    even through their tears.
  • Provide tissues, water and offer food at mealtimes.
  • Encourage regular bedtime.  Grieving is exhausting; sleep can be
    difficult, but it is necessary.

If your grief has not resolved in a reasonable length of time, or, if
it is interfering with your daily activities, seek help.  Your family
physician can prescribe medication to aid in sleep and refer you
for  Counseling if needed.  Theophostic Prayer may also help in
resolving painful memories.