Help For Grief

When death occurs, we need time to adjust to the shock of loss
and we also need more time to process that loss.

During the immediate time after a death or any traumatic or
painful event, those who are left behind need physical and
emotional support.   If you or someone you love is suffering from
unresolved grief, it is important to honor those losses and seek
healing through verbal and physical expressions.

Grief is a collection of various feelings that occur when any kind of
loss happens in a person's life.  It can be grief over the loss of a
person, relationship, job or anything of value to the person.

Facts about normal grief:
  • Feeling bad is normal with loss; it's OK to cry.  In fact, it is good to
    express your emotions.  Expressing your emotions is healthy and
    not a sign of weakness.
  • It may take one to two years to adjust to the loss.  Less time may be
    necessary if the death was anticipated; more time may be
    necessary if the loss was sudden or the person very young.
  • Expect to take several weeks off from work to begin the healing
    process if you have lost a member of your immediate family.  If that
    is not possible, then at least a week off and part-time work for a
    week or two more.  Resuming a normal or heavy work schedule
    sooner than a month is unrealistic.
  • You can never replace what is lost.
  • It is not healthy to be left alone in your grief; we all need friends and
    family around to listen and support us.
  • Time does not heal you; it's what you do with the time that can bring
    healing.  Remembering the past, both the good and the bad is
    important to resolving grief.
  • Keeping busy does not heal you; it gives you a "band aid' until you
    are ready to heal. However, it is important to get regular meals,
    sleep and exercise, whether you feel like it or not.
  • The evidence of unhealed grief is negative emotions; as you heal,
    negatives will be replaced with peaceful feelings, but not always
    happy ones.

When some time has passed, remembrances are still necessary to
continue the healing process.  Ritual remembrances make loss easier
over time.  Start a ritual to remember the loved one on their birthday, the
anniversary of their death or any other significant dates.  Moments of
remembrance can be included for Mother's Day, Father's Day and even
at weddings.
  • Write notes to your loved one, put them in helium balloons, and
    'send' them to heaven.
  • Select flowers and throw them in a river, stream or ocean to 'send' a
    message of caring for your loved one.
  • Put a memorial ad with your loved one's picture in the local
    newspaper.
  • Write a letter to your loved one in the sand and let the waves wash  
    it out to sea.
  • Make a donation to your favorite charity or a cause that your loved
    one supported.

Signs that the grieving person may have unresolved grief:
  • Unwillingness to talk or think about the loss
  • Fond memories turn painful
  • Only being willing to talk about the positive aspects of a relationship
  • Being afraid of thoughts or feelings about the relationship

    How can you help someone who is going through the grief process?

  • Remind them to eat and care for themselves.
  • Listen when they are ready to talk; go for a walk with them if they
    feel like it.
  • Verbally acknowledge what they are saying.
  • Do not judge, analyze or criticize.
  • Don't sit too close or touch them while they are talking unless they
    are close family and would expect that.
  • When they cry, encourage them to push their words up and out
    through the tears.
  • Provide tissues, water and offer food at mealtimes.
  • Encourage regular bedtime.  Grieving is exhausting; sleep can be
    difficult, but it is necessary.

The greater the intensity of the person's feelings of grief, the
higher the probability that those feelings are unresolved.

If your grief has not resolved in a reasonable length of time, or, if
it is interfering with your daily activities, seek help.  Your family
physician can prescribe medication to aid in sleep and refer you
for  Counseling if needed.  Theophostic Prayer may help in
resolving painful memories.